yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
