I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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