so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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