I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
