I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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