yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
