I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
