its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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