where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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