i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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