I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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