Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
