if you like me you must not know who I am
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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