roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Houston, we have a blender
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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