sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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