dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
