The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
