Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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