Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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