what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
