We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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