I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
