My hand turned me down
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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