i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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