i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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