Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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