Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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