Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
