Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I CAN MOONWALK!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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