Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
