i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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