I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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