She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
