This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
