Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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