Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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