I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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