Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
