I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
