We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Your cock deserves a montage
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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