Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
