how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
