the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
