so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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