from now on my penis is your penis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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