she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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