I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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