you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
