I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone came in the potted fern
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
