All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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