I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a beard to bite.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
