'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
