Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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