someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
