Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
