dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
