I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
