if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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