If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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