I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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