We need to rekindle our bromance
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
