u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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