so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
