put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
