at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize