This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
