how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Found the puke drawer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
