we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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