Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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