hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
