It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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