Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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