let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
