Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
