i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
