biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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